Crappy new year

I think this year began with sorrow and not with happyness
First our family friend Andy died alone in his apartment in Burdujeni (Suceava)
He died alone like dog , with no friends or relatives around (my grandmother always said that we die alone with only the maker in front of us , and no relatives are just dust compared with the full dark and freedom)
I don't know more about his death , what happened but i know his son tried to convince the elders that Andy's last wish was to burn in fire and not to be eaten by worms and the ugly humus.
I have to ask my sisters more about it .
He always told us stories about his family and how they went on OLT river by boat with the full crew (family)
and how they saw bears i think in Harghita moving around his boat in the dark throwing tree roots arund, he went to a store and he asked for bread and it was  Ceausescu time when bread was scarce and only you could get only one per person so the people around gave him their pieces and for the all family
and how they went down the river and somwehere where only romanians exists in the south
they throwed stones to them just for fun
Another beautiful story he told us was about his trip with the bycicle (Pegas) from Suceava to Sighisoara
over the mountains to the Medieval Festival .How they had some strong drinks with them (Afinata) and once Anduta felt with the bycicle so strong that he was bleeding but with his father help and strong drinks they continued.In Sihisoara they stayed with some high school teenagers around and they asked for some grass/pot so Andy created the master pot with simple Carpati + Pepper + other things to put in the soup not in your nose and the funny thing people liked it and they wanted more.
only after a few days Andy told them that it was only the power of Carpati and nothing else :P
Rest him in heavens , we don't know that power of Chirst is with weak people and not in the stronger ones .

Second death was by Calin's father , i don't know reea is cursed or something? because we have so many deaths in such a short time inside our company.I can't take it anymore.
I can't cry anymore just to be shoked and i can't react anymore.At the funerals i couldn't cry but only now , the shock is to heavy and too soon and sometimes the brains can't react to so many
wrong happenings.
And the big shock of today i'm almost single or more single than less single, and i swear i had a dream about it , Don't ask it's very complicated.
Between xmass and new year i had very strong flu , so strong that a few days i had only dreams , you know the shamanic ones , on the brick of life and death theritory, and death is so cold.
At the Calin's father funerals i had a revelation: with each one we loose we die ourselves piece by piece and in the end nothing is left and we fly high into one thousands suns.
There is no sense in this world if you look with mortal eyes , but maybe there is something interesting where the saints are resting and playing/singing.
ps: I can haz catz , so you know that always there someone to surpress our pain in the back (yes we do have a cat in the house)
Dear god gravitation and worms sux, we need heaven on earth soon