A part of me died in 2008

Once with my grandmother's funerals , It was like a second mother to me
I growed there at the country side with real cows and real chickens and when i was a child
she took care of me before i went to school, parents had jobs and it was hard for them with 2 childrens and work.
I want to start some of the stories about what i remember from that time.
I have big pain in the chest when i think about my grandmother , when i go now to that house
i still wait to apear and to ask me how do i feel or anything and i cry rivers
I kept my pain inside too long and i should cry more and more to free my chest.
Maybe that is the reason that i'm not the same like before , i had so much to carry with me
When i saw it that they put her in the grave something died inside me . I can't describe the pain and
the feeling that world ends at that time . and when i saw my sister's eyes i think i understood
never again in this life we will see her.
Now i put candels to the grave , but is a part of me there too .
On the bright side in the day she died there was an beatifull rainbow after all day was rainy and cold and ugly .Maybe a sign that she is ok on the brighter side of death.